who knows.....

I have an idea of a fairy tale. An imagined, yet beautiful creation of everything i ever wanted.


My fairy tale is simple enough where it doesnt always have to be a fairy tale....only for right now it is. ....just a fairy tale.

nothing new in my world. still just working. still just wanting to peace out. go back to iona.

tomorrow ill finish my brownies & go to the movies with some friends. i also need to buy peyton a bday gift. her party is at two tomorrow i think.

my stomach hurts.

& i think my dog farted.

things ive yet to write about...anywhere.

boys. deep sigh.

up against a wall & kissed like you matter. 

ive been working a great deal. everyday im up from 6:30-5:30 and focused on work.

Its annoying honestly. i hate working. I mean i like to work i just hate working at RMI. I feel like an asshole because i go to work and i spend the majority of my time half assing things. Its not who i am to half ass things. im not proud of myself at the end of the day. Its really getting to me...it doesnt make me feel good about myself....but i have no motivation to work harder because i honestly hate this job that much.

So ive decided to get more involved in politics and current events but its really stressful. If Obama gets elected...60% of my fathers retirement is taken away. Thats fucking crazy. I couldnt vote for someone who is going to take hundreds of thousands of dollars away from my family who doesnt have money lying around to spare. Im stressing out because the economy seems to be failing and im worried about the future. What is my generation going to be known for? My father lived through vietnam and the hippie movements...so is my generation going to be known because we are headed for the next depression?!?! Im honestly anxious over this.

who else is running?

i cannnnot wait till next weekend because im going to see pineapple express with a kid from work totally gonna eat one of my brownies prior. This weekend its "the weekend to live for in rochester" says my brother, PARK AVE FEST. ive never gone but im mucho excited.

i miss my friends from school. i havent heard from anyone this week really. I talked to kate on the phone last friday. i text amy here and there....but you know...i miss them and wanna go back to school already. I specially miss my boyfriend.

Ive been writing again like i once was in highschool the poems and lyrics are coming to me allll day long...

ive thought about posing them only im worried about like copyrighting and all that. WHAT if one day i want to use them for something.....does this limit my ownership to the words seein as ive made them public? would this allow people to make their claim to my words?

im not so sure....
& one day i WILL be published i dont want to have to deal with someone trying to make their claim

in the car behind the show?

no

ANYWAYS...today i tanned outside but only for about an hour then it completely dawned on me that it was indeed sunday and sundays i go to moms house to meet up with the fam. SOO did that drove out there and got my family bondage on. We actually ended up going to the red wings baseball game. Wasnt tooo bad.

Now im just really tired. and i actually DONT feel like typing wich is really weird for me. i usually enjoy the feeling its like the stress pours out of my fingertips and into the minds of others only.....thats just a metaphore and no body reads this lol.

Lillie, my dog, is due sooooon. i cannot wait. for some reason i had in my mind that dog gestation was MUCH longer then it actually is and i had it in my brain that i wouldnt get to see her puppies. but I WILL for a few weeks ill get to bond with them... which im grateful for...but still sad cuz i wont be able to send them off to their new owners or get to play with them once they get to the fun stage.

I am you
by: me


Will i make it through?
how can you be so sure
you claim to know yourself
but you cant know us both
i dont know you

i do know you
i know it i know you its true
because you are me and i am you

you are confused my friend
i am me you need to understand
you are so light, that sweet thick air
here? its dark where i stand
you get that support
and here i am alone again

you chose that life you live
i would never chose solo
you did and you place blame
me? i get up and i go
while you sit and wallow
sit there in shame

you think life is easy
some little back yard game?
i see honesty in everything
i realize the malice
im aware of the hurt i see the pain
life is no simple little game

ill tell you light half
youre blind to the world
naive as a young girl
i chose to see
to realize the world
as real as it may be
the violent emotions the tears that fall
the red soaked seas
that carry us all

well the smiles that cast their shadows
begin as inches and travel great miles
its all so sad, dark
but my ying is nothing
without your yang
without the pain
there can be no gain
are you getting what im sayin'?

i do know you
i know it i know you its true
because you are me and i am you

because life is short and its taken away
im gonna say what it is i have to say

im gonna tell you to smile
im gonna tell you to live
im gonna tell you i love you
to do the things youve always aspired to do

ijust wanna say you matter to me
forever locked in my heart
and ive lost the key

you have made your mark
youve left your stain
ill tell you my wish
to take your pain

i see what youve done
for me and the world
and i see what it means
to this world and this girl

im gonna tell you the truth
everyone who walks in
everyone who walks out
let them leave their mark
let them brighten your day
or darken your dark
whatever it is open up your heart

and remember
to say what it is youve been meaning to say
because you never know
this could be your last day


i wrote this in literally three seconds and then bam i went away. It was after i heard someone from school had died....i guess i was feeling alot.